19 October 2007

Great Moments In Comics History No. 3: Superman Does Porn

Hi! I'm back from the holidays and it's time to dust off the cobwebs from this here blog. So let's go with the third instalment of Great Moments of Comics History (the first is here and here's the second).

This time, it's Action Comics #593 by John Byrne and in this issue Superman and Big Barda starred in a porn movie. Mr.Miracle was a bit upset when he found out.

"Scott! That's your wife! She's dancing provocatively in a sewer!"

However, it appears that Big Barda was actually under the psionic control of Sleez, one of Darkseid's minions who was exiled to Earth after Darkseid thought Sleez's actions were getting too depraved even by Apokolips standards. That's like Hitler telling Himmler to chill out and stop gassing all those prisoners. Anyway....

If Yoda ever joined the Dark Side and became a pimp, he would so totally look like Sleez. So it appears that Sleez went into the superhero porn business (a lucrative but risky venture) in order to make oodles of money to form an army. It was never explained why he needed an army, though. Perhaps he wanted to go back to Apokolips but really, when you can control the minds of others including superheroes and force them to star in porn movies and make mucho dollars, why do you need an army? He's not very smart, this Sleez.

But before we get to see any hot action, Mr. Miracle crashes in to save his wife's honour and maybe Superman's

I like the looks Superman and Barda are giving each other. We were doing something, weren't we? It was weird but kinda fun, wasn't it? I don't remember much, Barda, but I have such a hard on. And Mr. Miracle's face? Priceless. He's wearing a mask and we can still see a pouty face.

"Until we meet again, Superman....(after I've made sure my wife is in another dimension)".

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