Cobras I Wish Would Appear In The Movie

He's not in the movie, is he? If he is that would be so stupid cool.

The Marvel run of the Joe comic had all these crazy ass characters that appeared for only one or two issues. Maybe Hasbro had a new action figure out and wanted Larry Hama to promote it. Still, an accountant dressed up as a falcon would so make me want to watch the movie.

What, There's A Difference??

Yeah, Gung-Ho. At least get the species right. That's a croc, not a 'gator chewing on Stalker's thigh.

Anyone else think that Stalker is not a bad-ass?


From G.I. Joe #13 (Marvel, 1983), by Larry Hama, Mike Vosburg & Joe D'agostino

Phoning It In...

Wolverine and Shang-Chi, Master of Kung Fu, doing that Zen thing in a monastery somewhere in Madripoor. Yeah, I got nothing.

Burnout

Damn, am I burned out already on superhero comics? It's only been 4 years since I came back to Marvel's and DC's respective universes and already I feel bored with their stuff. Not a good sign. I don't wanna leave but what's the point of throwing money into stuff you don't enjoy them?

Just finished reading the third collection of DC's The Brave and the Bold and I was less than impressed. It wasn't as bad the second collection but not as good as the first one either. As a fan of done-in-one, not necessarily in-continuity stories, I think BotB opened well with a huge bang and then whimpered pretty quickly soon after. I dropped Justice League when it became a pin-up gallery and I'll be dropping JSA with they finish collecting the 'Kingdom Come' storyline. This title, out of all of them that I buy, has been the most disappointing. The revival of the JSA early in the new century was a hoot. Great plots, great pencils...the later ones weren't so hot but overall the Justice Society was fun to read. Now not so much. If Marvel has Brian Bendis as their master of decompressed writing, DC has Geoff Johns.

And speaking of Marvel, it looks like I'll be dropping all three Avengers trades (Mighty, New & Initiative) with their Secret Invasion collection. "I'm not a Skrull! You're the Skrull!" was funny for about half a page, Bendis.

When reading Showcase Presents: Enemy Ace or Essential Defenders vol. 1 is more fun than reading the current stuff from the Big Two, maybe it's time to focus more attention and money on their old stuff. Of course, there's always the smaller publishers. It's not all a lost cause, I admit, but if you want to read about superhero adventures there's no place better than Marvel & DC and these days those companies aren't hitting many of my buttons.

Punisher's Got No Time For Suckers Like You, Man

So if there weren't any footsteps out in the hallway, Frank would still be there in the room reading the journal? In the room where a second ago a living person fired a gun under his chin and now has a large hole at the back of his head? Man, that's cold.

From Punisher: Circle of Blood by Grant, Zeck & Vosburg

Captain Britain and MI13, Vol. 1: Secret Invasion (Marvel, 2009)

Okay, you know what I really like about this book? There is a Muslim character in it who doesn't spout off stereotypical gems like "By the beard of the Prophet!" that comic writers used to do whenever they have to give lines to a Muslim character. Okay the last time I picked up a floppy was in the mid-90s so maybe I'm out of touch but not by much, I don't think. Her name is Dr. Faiza Hussain and writer Paul Cornell has given her superpowers and she seems to be part of the MI13 team by the end of this 4-issue collection so she'll probably be featured regularly and not just a throwaway character. So, YAY!

Other members of MI13 along with Captain Britain and Dr. Faiza are the Black Knight, super speedster Spitfire, Pete Wisdom who is a mutant who can fire bolts of energy from his fingers and John the Skrull who looks like John Lennon (but he dies in this book. Booo.) Since this collection is called "Secret Invasion" it's obvious what it's all about: it's a tie-in to the Secret Invasion mega event (which I have no interest in following so you probably know better about it than I). In Captain Britain and MI13, the Skrulls attempt to conquer Britain by controlling the very essence of magic itself. They have a Super Skrull with magical powers who looks like a four armed hybrid of Dormammu and Dr. Strange. He doesn't last long anyway because this creep gets his head chopped off by Captain Britain and all's well that ends well.

And that brings me to the thing that bothered me when I was reading this book: the decapitation of Skrulls. Is this a new thing with Marvel? I know DC is all blood and gore ever since they gave Geoff Johns a free rein with their books but Marvel has been pretty conservative with depictions of gore in their mainstream comics (Marvel Zombies notwithstanding, but when you're reading a comic about zombies you expect gore). Yet in CBnMI13, Skrull heads are being separated like it was going out of fashion and it doesn't happen far in the background either. No, the reader gets a ringside seat. Except for when Spitfire does it. She bites off the heads of two Skrulls although one is only implied while the other is in silhouette. Wait, she's a biter now? When did this happen??

Maybe it's okay with Marvel since they're Skrulls and therefore not real. Two British mystical characters also meet a painful end. Lady in the Lake: vaporised. Green Knight: decapitated. Still, I'm not comfortable enough to hand this book to a young reader. I'm prudish like that (yeah, I know this book is rated T+ but I'm an old fogey). Also, Cornell uses the ampersand-dollar sign-exclamation point-hash sign-percentage sign to substitute for actual swear words which also bothers me a bit. C'mon Marvel, either you make your heroes and villains swear or you don't. This - @$%#!& - reminds me of the censors bleeping out swear words on TV...and just as annoying. You allow decapitations but you draw a line on actual swearing?

Those complaints aside, CBnMI13 is actually a fun book to read. Pencils by Leonard Kirk is pretty (I enjoyed his work on the Agents of Atlas mini series last year) and it's obvious Paul Cornell has big plans for these characters. He may have been stifled plot-wise because he has to tie in to the Secret Invasion event but I have heard that in subsequent issues he has Captain Britain fighting Dracula on the Moon or something. Now that is the kind of stupid awesome that I look forward to in my superhero comics. Can't wait to read that in the next Captain Britain trade.

Remember The Time Daredevil Dressed Up As The Kingpin In Order To Fool Spider-Man?

This WTF?! moment appeared in Amazing Spider-Man #287 by Jim Owsley, Erik Larsen and Art Nichols. It was the penultimate issue of the 5-issue 'Gang War' storyline in which the NY-based mobs rushed to stake a claim in Manhattan with the absence of Wilson Fisk a.k.a The Kingpin. DD in a fat suit is the most memorable part of that story.

Classic G.I. Joe, volume 1 (IDW, 2009)

Go on and buy it. You know you want to. It reprints the Marvel run of G.I. Joe, it's printed on glossy paper, it's over 200 pages (10 issues worth) and it's in colour. IDW doesn't play around with that Essential or Showcase or Archive black and white reproduction crap. The give it to you in glorious colour.

It's old school G.I. Joe adventures, long before it turned into an "It was all Snake-Eyes' fault" book*. You also get to see Kwinn, comic book's first and only Eskimo Mercenary, in his first appearance ever. An Eskimo** freelance agent! You don't get that in X-Men.


*Seriously, everything revolved around Snake Eyes. Cobra Commander, Zartan, Storm Shadow and I think the Baroness as well, all blamed their fates on him.

**Yes, I know. Inuit.

Meanwhile...

Yes, Mr. Smartly Dressed Assasin. Now. Now is the perfect time for a redhead to save an Arab Sheikh by crashing through the window on skis. Because that's just how she rolls, sucka!

Scarlett shows she can kick ass just like the rest of them in G.I. Joe #9, one of the few issues not written by Larry Hama (it was written by Steven Grant with art by Mike Vosburg and Chic Stone). This issue is also collected in Classic G.I. Joe vol. 1 from IDW. Out Now.

Good Comics Not Many People Read: Agents Of Atlas HC (Marvel, 2007)

Now that they have their own series, it's about time I give a shout out to what is probably the best comic miniseries that not many people read: Agents of Atlas. Came out two years ago and still available at Amazon, doncha know? AoA introduced me to Jeff Parker and if you click his name at the tag section down there you will know I totally have a platonic guy-love for Jeff Parker and it's all because of this book. Seriously, it's fun, funny, exciting and jam packed with extras if you like that sort of thing in your collected editions. And Leonard Kirk's pencils aren't too shabby either.

I guess it is possible to take a group of obscure characters from a publisher's early days, feature them in a miniseries and not make it suck. Having a talking gorilla as one of the characters also helps.

I honestly don't know how long their ongoing series will last. I'm guessing about 30 issues worth since most of the books I like tend to get cancelled before their 50th issue. I'm a regular Jonah, I am. But check out their miniseries collection first. It has a semi naked love goddess prancing about seducing bad guys, a killer robot shooting rays, a sea queen, a secret agent, a spaceman and the aforementioned talking gorilla.

And a dragon called Mr. Lao. Seriously.

What The Hell? I'm Reading Ghost Rider Now?

Shocking as it may be but I've never been a huge fan of Ghost Rider. I remember reading a few issues back in the '70s and I also read the few issues of the 1990s revamp with Danny Ketch. Don't remember much about that one except that the first issue had a glow-in-the-dark cover. Ahh, the 90s.

I say shocking because Ghost Rider has everything I want in a superhero comic book. It's full of crazy stupid. It's a guy in leather riding a motorcycle with fiery wheels. Oh and his head is also on fire. And it's a skull. And he goes around punching people in the name of vengeance. He was even a member of a super group once. Seriously, what's not to like? But Ghost Rider never did it for me, so when Marvel gave GR yet another series, I hardly noticed it until new writer Jason Aaron took over with issue #20, collected in this trade. Johnny Blaze is back as the Ghost Rider (Danny Ketch is back too. I thought they killed him off. Oh well) and he wants revenge on the rogue angel what did this to him. Yes, Ghost Rider's origin has been retconned. The Spirit of Vengeance was bonded to the soul of an ex-circus motorcycle stuntman because the stuntman wanted to save his dying father. Turns out the Spirit wasn't the devil's idea, it was Zadkiel's, a rogue angel. Kinda makes sense I suppose. After all why would the devil turn one of his suckers into a Spirit of Vengeance meting out justice to evil people? Vengeance, hell. The devil would probably give the evildoer a pat on the back, a cigar and his or her choice of a fiery duplex in Hades. But Johnny Blaze is still out of luck because he did make a deal with the devil, damned his soul to Hell anyway and still has to do Heaven's dirty work by hunting down the guilty. So yeah, Blaze is pissed off with everyone especially Zadkiel the rogue angel. But Zadkiel has a plan of his own. He needs the Spirit of Vengeance to overthrow God so he can sit on the Throne of Heaven himself. Yes, really.

So that is Jason Aaron's take on Ghost Rider in a nutshell. It's all about Johnny Blaze finding a way to reach Zadkiel and kick his arse while Zadkiel sends his groupies to capture Johnny alive so they can use his powers to defeat God. And Zadkiel followers come in many shape and sizes, including:


Over zealous, psychotic nurses with automatic weapons riding motorcycles! It's like Jason Aaron looked into my mind and took notes!

Not only that but both the Ghost Rider and the sexy psycho nurses have to deal with a highway haunted by cannibalistic ghosts and it doesn't end well for some:

Bye-bye, sexy, psychotic nurse who wants to help overthrow God

The second half of the trade sees Johnny in a middle of a prison riot and he's looking for a convicted priest who made a deal with a Satanist group in prison to protect himself from Zadkiel and his assassins. That's just crazy and awesome at the same time. Ghost Rider gets out of this one by pummelling the bad guy with an over sized edition of the Bible. Irony in comic books. Who woulda thunk it?

I think as long as Jason Aaron is writing Ghost Rider, I'll be along for the ride.

G.I. JOE #57 (Marvel, 1987)

Check out that cover. Flint looks constipated, Lady Jaye is there so that kids would look at her impressive cleavage and pick up the book (hey, it worked with me) and Destro just looks ridiculous. This guy wants to be taken seriously as a feared terrorist and arms supplier? Then lose the tall collar and plunging neckline. Even in 1987 that look was a joke. And the medallion? Very chic...in 1975!!

There was nothing special about this issue. In fact, 14-year old me thought it was kinda boring. Issue 57 sees Destro going back to Scotland after tunnelling his way out of 'The PIT', the secret G.I. Joe HQ underneath the Staten Island Motor Pool, which had caved in after Cobra's failed attempt to eliminate the Joes on their home turf. Cobra Commander was with him as well but went their separate ways after they escaped from the PIT and CC tried to make amends with his crippled and blind-in-one-eye son Billy (but that's another issue).

In this issue, Destro goes back home only to find that there is already a Destro having tea and scones with the household guards at the family castle. Real Destro gets arrested, breaks out of jail with the help of Joes' Lady Jaye and Flint, goes back to the castle and has a good punch up with fake Destro ("How do we know which one's the real Destro?", one of the castle guards asked. "Let those two fight. Whoever wins must be the real one", suggests his comrade. As opposed to, say...asking the Lord Destro to take off his mask and see his face and compare it with the family potraits? Or do the male Destros wear masks right from infancy and all the family photos have them wearing masks as well? Gee, that's one screwed up family. Life must be hell for young Destro at school. No wonder he became a terrorist.)

Anyway, real Destro wins and pulls off the mask off fake Destro to reveal...Major Bludd?? I think Larry Hama received a memo from Hasbro the month before asking why he rarely uses Bludd in the comics. So here he is for one panel. Oh, and the reason Lady Jaye and Flint was on Destro's side was because they wanted to steal the plans to Cobra's Terror Drome but since they helped Destro reclaim his castle from Cobra, Destro gave it to them free of charge. How nice of him.

Yeah, not a very memorable issue. But check out that cover. Makes me laugh everytime I see it.

A Confession

Today instead of working, I spent most of the time at the office reading Marvel's Secret Wars Omnibus. It was good. It brought back memories of simpler times and simpler adventures in my comic books. No twists, no anti-life equation, no Skrulls. Just good guys on one side, the bad guys on the other. They fight for 12 issues!

And it had one of the best covers ever:


Sure beats catching up on my paperwork.

Friday Night Fights: KA-POW!! round 8

Aaannnd DGR's back at the ring after missing the last few weeks worth of fights. Everyone else at Spacebooger.com stand aside because our contender is no pretender. He's the one and only Peter Parker, the Amazing Spider-man!...and he's beating up a shark tonight! (again with the sharks!)

It's ASM #313, written by David Michelinie with art by Todd "I'm better than all of youse punks" McFarlane and it's an INFERNO tie-in. Pete and Mary Jane find themselves attacked by a damn big shark while riding a cab on their way to Queens. No big deal for ol' Pete. He's gone up against The Spot, a shark should be child's play for him.

And indeed it is:

But it wasn't over yet for Spidey. Next, he had to bring down a possessed giant balloon of himself...
Well, that must have been embarrassing.

But you can't keep a good Spider-man down for long...

All this and he had to fight the Lizard as well. ASM #313 was one crazy awesome of a comic and David Michelinie wrote it all with a married Peter Parker as well.

What I Like About Marvel's Incredible Hercules...

...besides the fun script and cool looking art? The sound effects. I especially love the sound effects.





and my personal favourite:
This one reminds me of Shooting Stars whenever Reeves and Mortimer introduce Ulrika Jonsson, "Ulrikakakakakakaka". What can I say. I'm easily amused.

I wouldn't have thought Incredible Hercules could wow me so much. Coming out from the ashes of World War Hulk, I thought Marvel lost the plot when they gave Hulk's book to Hercules of all people. But it's been a great read so far. Even the Secret Invasion tie-in is interesting. 'God Squad'. Hah! Almost made me want to read the actual Secret Invasion mini series. Almost.

Friday Night Fights: KA-POW!! round 4

This week's fight is from G.I. JOE #84 (Marvel, 1989, by Larry Hama, Marshall Rogers & Randy Emberlin). The scene: Cobra Commander approaches Zartan for the first time in a biker bar. It was the beginning of a long and not so beautiful relationship.





By the end of that issue we discover that Zartan became Zartan that we know because of Snake-Eyes. Cobra Commander set up terrorist organisation COBRA in part because, in his mind, he blames Snake-Eyes for the death of his brother. And G.I. Joe existed to combat COBRA. So it was all Snake-Eyes fault!

Wanna know who else blames Snake-Eyes for their problems? Check out Spacebooger.com

Hulk: Heart of the Atom HC (Marvel, 2008)

Remember the time when Greg Pak wrote that cool storyline where Hulk was blasted off into space by Iron Man and Reed Richards because they didn't want him to go rampaging all across the Midwest ever again but unfortunately the shuttle the Hulk was in veered off course and landed on an inhabited planet with warring factions and he quickly became the leader of the losing side and kicked the butt of the ruling class, appointed as the new ruler, fell in love, got married and then lost everything to a bomb because one of his new friends betrayed him? Yeah, Heart of the Atom is actually nothing like that.

It shares some similarities, though, but instead of outer space the Hulk travels down to microscopic level where he discovers the existence of a medieval-like civilization. The inhabitants embrace him after he shoos away some rampaging creatures that look like wild boars from destroying their castle. Plus, they also have green skin so they immediately accept Hulk as their own. If Spider-Man had saved them instead of the Hulk, they would probably shoot their arrows at him. Bastards! Anyway...

Hulk is brought to Jarella, Empress of this microscopic world, who orders her three sorcerers (two of whom are called Holi and Moli, I kid you not) to make the Hulk understand their language so that they can communicate. Not only did the magic spell work it also resulted in the Hulk having Bruce Banner's intelligence as well. One quick marriage with Jarella and the defeat of a jealous would-be usurper later, the Hulk is happy in his new role as King but this being Hulk, happy things don't stay too long. He is soon snatched back into the regular-sized world leaving behind a distraught bride who has no idea why her new husband grew to ginormous size.

Hulk visited the micro world a few more times over the years but it would end the same every time: something would compel him to leave his wife and her sub-atomic world. Things get really interesting when Jarella is transported back to Earth along with Hulk and she ends up getting killed. No, that's not a spoiler. You know things won't end well with her the moment she set eyes on Hulk. It's a given. It is also when Sal Buscema took over pencilling chores and I like his rendition of Hulk with the ever gaping mouth and spittle. Sal Buscema's Hulk never, ever looks dumb. He's just very angry and that's the way I like it.

Heart of the Atom collects all the relevant issues (11 in all) plus What If? #23 which asked what if Jarella hadn't died. All in all, it's a good collection on an often forgotten part of the Hulk mythos. No doubt it would claim credit for inspiring Greg Pak's Planet Hulk story (heck, the inside cover flap of the book practically said so) but there's nothing wrong with that. When you have been telling stories of the same character practically non-stop for the past 40 years it's kinda hard to come up with something new and fresh. Just read the back issues for ideas and try to cater it to the modern audience. Every writer does that. If you've read Planet Hulk and thought it was great, read Heart of the Atom. Greg Pak obviously did.

Oh, by the way, the cover above is the cover of one of the issues collected within and not the cover of the collection itself. The hardcover has dark green lettering on a black background and it didn't scan well. At least not on my cheap scanner.

Just Finished Reading Ms. Marvel vol. 5: Secret Invasion HC (Marvel 2008)

Five hardcovers on and I think I'm about done with Ms. Marvel. I still cannot bring myself to empathise with the character. Her siding with the pro-registration Republican-Avengers during that little misunderstanding called the 'Civil War' probably didn't help either. Maybe the problem with volume 5 is that it ties in with Marvel's annual mega event which hasn't been released as a one book collection yet as of this writing. For someone who waits for the trade, I only have a vague idea of what is going on in Ms. Marvel: Secret Invasion.

Tony Stark thinks Ms. Marvel is a Skrull so he sends SHIELD Agent Sum to take her down. Unfortunately, Stark sent Sum to the wrong Ms. Marvel (that is to say the real, human Ms. Marvel). Fisticuffs ensue. The collection ends with her big fight with all those Skrulls in Manhattan and her discovery that the Extra-Super Skrull was a Hydra project which adds more confusion that won't clear up until I read the Secret Invasion trade when it comes out.

The artwork by Melo, Benes and Coelho is the saving grace for this book. Ms. Marvel has always been saved by the artwork. If it wasn't for the cheesecake I would have dropped it two collections ago. It's not a bad comic. It's just a passable comic. Efforts by the art team could make me raise it to being a good comic but only just.

When A Talking Duck Met A Vampire Cow...

Really this thing should have been posted sometime, oh I don't know, before Halloween maybe but with real life responsibilities and sheer laziness DGR has been kinda quiet in October. Mea Culpa. I even missed what looks to be the final Friday Night Fights ever.

So anyway,
Apparently, Bessie the cow was bitten by Dracula (or at least a vampire in a cape, anyway) and for the past 300 years have roamed the world as an undead bovine to seek revenge.


Good thing Bessie was a Christian cow, huh? Wouldn't have worked if she was kosher.

And that's the end of Bessie the vampire cow. Brought low by a talking duck. I think we can pretty much agree that the late, great Steve Gerber was a comic genius right? So go get the Howard the Duck Omnibus sharpish. His next of kin will appreciate the royalty checks.

Marvel Girl Hates Flying Monkeys

Because the last thing you need in your hair are flying monkeys. Good to know Marvel Girl has her priorities right.

(From X-Men First Class: Mutant Mayhem by Jeff Parker & Roger Cruz)