Planet Wifey

Clarence Smith Jr., better known to, well, me as Bahlactus (former host and kick ass commentator of Friday Night Fights) has created a new webcomic, Planet Wifey, featuring true stories of married life and to quote Maxo, it's "freakin' ADORABLE". This thing is gonna fly, I tell ya. Bookmark it and check it out every other Friday.

Friday Night Fights: Ladies Night Round 11 - Impressive, Most Impessive.

I've been lax with my Friday Night Fights lately. Would you believe I had trouble finding really good female contenders? But I got a good one tonight!

I present to you, Princess Leia Organa-Solo (nee Skywalker).

Latent Jedi powers + her father's temper + a lightsaber = somebody's gonna get his hand chopped off.

From 'The Other' by Jason Hall & John McCrea collected in Star Wars Tales vol. 4 (Dark Horse, 2004)

Friday Night Fights: Ladies Night Round 6 - Workout with the Widow

No. No snappy captions or anything. Just keep staring at Black Widow's derriere. Take your time.

Updated: Round 6 has been postponed till next week. Bahlactus has spoken.

Friday Night Fights: Ladies Night Round 5 - Cracking Canary

And right after this fight, she jumps Batman's bones. The little minx.

All-Star Batman and Robin vol. 1 by Miller and Lee

On Bahlactus' homeworld, cracking jaws is foreplay.

Friday Night Fights: Ladies Night Round 3

Julie Powers: Whammer of Horned Monsters

Friday Night Fights: Ladies Night Round 2: Animal Man #6 (DC, 1988)

Continuing DGR's look at some of the INVASION! tie-ins and since it's Friday, let's combine it with Ladies Night at Bahlactus'!


Animal Man is about to get maced by a practically naked winged lady in thigh high boots and heels. No wonder he's scared shitless.

The cover is a bit misleading though (and as a comic cover, I suppose being misleading is the whole point). Most of the book is about a male Thanagarian artist with a death wish. He wants to die in the name of art so he plants a time bomb that he hopes will destroy the west coast of the United States. No, seriously.

The hawkwoman's job is to run interference in case any heroes are around.

Naked hawkwoman dies when Buddy Baker pulls her wings off, suicide hawkman drops dead after he sets the timer on the bomb and Buddy Baker cries like a little girl because he doesn't know how to switch it off.

Enter the Hawkman as a deus ex machina and saves the day (and the west coast) on the very last page. Read this comic and chances are you'll end up saying the same thing I did when I first read it: "WTF, Grant Morrison?!"

Friday Night Fights: Ladies Night Round 1 - G.I. Joe #77 (Marvel, 1988)

Well, this is it. Possibly the final bout of Friday Night Fights ever. Although I hope the mighty Bahlactus will stick around and host more fights at his crib, who am I to stop him if he decides to visit other worlds for more exotic contenders? In the meantime, here's DGR's representative to tonight's "Ladies Night" smackdown: Lady Jaye vs. Zarana.

The story so far: The civil war on Cobra Island had just ended with the army of the new Cobra Commander victorious and Serpentor dead. The Joes, who were ordered to side with Serpentor, now face the embarrassing task of asking for a truce from their enemy while they evacuate their personnel off the island. Zarana, meanwhile, can't help herself:



Oh, it is on, bitch!


Their male colleagues gather round watching the two women duke it out while crimson coloured sound effects hover over their heads.



A draw?? Bah! Still, an all out fight between two under used female characters in the G.I. Joe comic? Thank you, Larry Hama! Too bad Marshall Rogers was pencilling. There's just something wrong with his style. He made them all look short.

Anyway, seven issues later, somebody wrote in to say how disappointed they were at the degrading portrayal of women in comics:


No more girl fights? Bahlactus would not approve!

Friday Night Fights: Classic Edition Round 12

Who dies next? Not Bahlactus!

Friday Night Fights: Classic Edition Round 11

Captain America takes no shit from nobody.
Neither does Bahlactus

Friday Night Fights: Classic Edition Round 10

Hey, Robin! How's that anger management course working out for you?
Good to know!

You know who channels his anger productively? Bahlactus!

Friday Night Fights: Classic Edition Round 8

It's another Friday Night Fight hosted by Bahlactus although it's already Saturday morning over here. But it's still Friday over at Bahlactus' universe so here's this week's contender: Plantman



Don't you be messin' with Plantman, woman!

From Essential Defenders vol. 3

Friday Night Fights: Classic Edition Round 6

OUCH!


From Lat's The Kampung Boy (1977)

Friday Night Fights: Classic Edition Round 5

Yesterday I talked about 2000AD's The Simping Detective and what a great character undercover Judge Jack Point is. Not only that, dude can take can of himself too:


That's his catchphrase, by the way. Whenever someone asks him, "What's your point?", he says, "Comes after the Jack." And if you didn't get it then you don't know Jack.

Anyway, just because he walks around in clown makeup doesn't mean he can't deliver some whup-ass. Observe:


Five ninjas, people! FIVE!! and that's after the bar brawl above. You don't wanna mess with this Bozo.

Neither do you wanna mess with Bahlactus!

From The Simping Detective tpb, by Steve Spurrier and Frazer Irving.

Friday Night Fights: Classic Edition Round 3

Because I'm the goddam Silver Age Batman, bitch!

The Brave and the Bold #95 is such an insane comic, you just know it was written by Bob Haney. This issue has it all: a missing person, a femme fatale, unrequited love, fights in exotic locales and Batman getting framed for murder....

As we all know, when you are on the run from the law, all you need is a hat and an overcoat to fool the cops. They'll never notice that you're still wearing a cowl over your face and your undies on the outside. Truly, Batman is a master of disguise.

But it's the punch that makes this issue a classic. Female, shmemale, he's hitting that face like nobody's business. Let's see it one more time.

Batman is no one's patsy!

Neither is Bahlactus!

(All scans from Showcase Presents: The Brave and the Bold vol.2)

Friday Night Fights: Classic Edition Round 2

You know the rest...

Lots more old and new school punches at Bahlactus' crib.

Classic Spider-Man story retold by Stern, LaRoque and Wiacek from Essential Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man

Friday Night Fights: Classic Edition Round 1

Yet another ethnic minority gets trampled in the workplace by "The Man" (out of context panel from Showcase Presents: Jonah Hex vol. 1 by Arnold Drake and Tony de Zuniga)

Bahlactus, on the other hand, is an equal opportunity ass-kicker

Friday Night Fights: Knockout Round 9

After a brief hiatus, I'm back in the fight. Can't stay away from Bahlactus for long. He'll hunt you down! First, a bit of backstory for tonight's contender: St. Augustine!

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "No way this man of the cloth is gonna last the round." Shows what you know, sucka!

See, he has the pointy hat and all. He's ready to rumble!

Just be patient. I'm going somewhere with this.....

See? Toldja! You don't mess with a man of God, you hear?

From Action Philosophers Giant Size Thing - vol. 1 by Fred Van Lente & Ryan Dunlavey

Friday Night Fights: Knockout Round 3

(click to superduper size)

The classic Superduperman vs. Captain Marbles bout, by the Usual Gang of Idiots (The MAD Archives vol. 1)

But Bahlactus is nobody's idiot.

Friday Night Fights: Knockout Round 2

Iron Man pisses off Ms. Marvel after he told her that any episode of MacGyver was more entertaining than an entire season of Grey's Anatomy

But no one is more interesting than Bahlactus

(panel from Ms. Marvel vol. 3: Operation Lightning Storm)

Friday Night Fights: Knockout Round 1

What am I doing tonight? I'm going to watch Friday Night Fights: Knockout.

He may not know what MySpace is. He may not have surfed YouTube. But he punched Hitler in the jaw. That has got to mean something to you kids today, right? Right? Dude, He. Punched. Hitler.


(From Captain America #255 by Roger Stern and John Byrne, 1980)

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